And here we go again...

So my life is turned upside down again. The love of my life is leaving me. Wonder how much more I can take. What did I do in my life to deserve all this heartache and pain. Trying very hard not to cry, not really working though.

Thinks the best is to break it all off. Will still hurt no matter what happens.

Don't know how much more I can take.

Need to do this. Just have no idea how.

So Right !

Everything feels so right. At peace with things now.

Yes there are things that will bug me from time to time. But I'm moving past that, leaving the past behind. Hell, I've made mistakes, some I would not want anyone to ever know. I'll take them to my grave. I don't forgive people becos I'm weak, I forgive them because I'm strong enough to know people make mistakes.

Its been hard to try and sort my head out but I'm following my heart, and my heart tells me that you the one I want to spend my life with, I can see my children in your eyes, and they are the most beautiful children ever.

We have a few things to deal with, and we might have a few more obstacles in our way. But our love is strong enough to get through it all. And I've always loved you.

I struggled to come to terms with what happened but it must be even harder for you.

All I know is that I never want to lose you. I want to be with you all the time.

I love you babes. Het altyd en sal altyd.

Lief jou heavy baie my skat

BELOWE

Sadness creeps in...

And now I sit and think... I can't get you out of my head, I really tried, I just can't.

So I try carry on with life to the best of my ability. Its not easy and many a times I've thought of giving up but so many around me have taken their lives or tried to. I don't want to end up being a statistic.

I'll try as much as I can. But with everything that is happening I don't know if I can carry on. Wish I had you back, I was happy with you.

I really miss you my oulike ou. Weet rerig nie hoe ek aangaan met my lewe, maar ek probeer net. Partykeer dink ek dis maklike om ... Ai ek wil nie eers dink nie, ek mis jou net.

Kom terug na my toe asb...

Somehow het k gedink j is anders. K het jou vertrou. Mense se nou alerande goed vi my, soos j het dit aan die voorige meisie ook gedoen. K hoop dat k anders was, en j my nie in die selfde category gegooi as hulle nie. K wil dink jy het nie vi my gelieg nie, en ek wil ook dink dat ons iets spesiaal gehad het. Dit maak net seer want ons het nooit baklei nie, nooit kwaad vi mekaar, ons was gelukkig, of so ek gedink. J het so veel beloftes gemaak en dit en geen antwoorde is wat my baie baie seer maak. Ma dankie, nog net iets wat k uit die lewe geleer het

Big girls don't cry

So it happens again. He broke my heart, no explanation, no fighting, no arguing, no nothing. Like a thief in the night he slips out.

I thought he was the one, he was different, I loved him so much. But I've become a hard person and I can get over this. Its hurts like hell but I'm putting up a mask and won't let anyone see whats behind it.

I feel numb, no feeling, which I suppose is good.

Cape Town was nice, all the times with him were awesome, but short lived. So be it. Now to leave this house behind and move on to new memories.

Baby, ek sal altyd lief wees vir jou. Onthou my en wat ons gehad het. Ek mis jou baie.

Lief en mis jou, mwah

Jou engel vir altyd

Went back to his ex

So he went back to his ex. OMW!!! And I find out he messed around with her cousin behind her back!

Now I sit and think, do I want a guy like that? Flip, now I have to go have myself tested and I'm scared. But I will have to go through with it and get it done as soon as possible so I know what I have.

Still can't believe I was so horribly wrong about a person. I usually never am. Sjoe! I'm beyond words. Think I must delete his number's off my phone. I don't want to know anymore. I want nothing to do with him.

Will do that when I get home. First thing I will do.

Wonder what she has over me, oh well, I'm moving, time to make new memories and friends.

But I need to cry this out now, then I'll be ok.

Mwah

Missing life

So here I sit. Listening to music, your favourite song coming up every now and again. But I can't worry about you know, I have done as much as I can, we both need time to sort out our lives, I need to sort out my problems at work and need to start packing to move. So with all that is happening in my life I can't have myself thinking about you too.

I will as soon as I have sorted out my life and I am settle and stable again. I do miss you though, a lot and I do hope you are able to work through your problems as well. I'll be there for you as soon as I am able to, promise.

Miss you lots and hope we work out when I can. Mwah